To be, or not to be Gay!
by ArtemisFowlWorld
Summary: Okay, here's the deal... All AF characters are locked in a room with no windows or doors, and the big question remains... Gay? Or not gay? muahahahaha! Completely stupid random funniness! Everyone's Crazy! yay! New chapter posted, funniest one yet!
1. going crazy

Disclaimer~ Nope, ixnay! Nothing here is mine, so please don't sue me.  
  
Authoress note~ WARNING: This is insane, stupid and hilarious. If you don't like it, don't read it! If ya do, brace yourself... lol! My first try at humor, please review! Flames accepted!  
  
More reviews= More chapters  
  
Note~ I'm not trying to be mean to any of the characters, but I have to be, lol, enjoy!  
  
(This story begins that all the main AF characters are locked in a white room, with no doors or windows, going crazy. Just thought you should know)  
  
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Artemis~ Holly, do you know how annoying you are?  
  
Holly~ Well, I was only saying, how do you know? Are you gay? Sounds like you're in denial.  
  
Artemis~ Holly, for the thousandth time, I'm not gay!  
  
Foaly~ Well, she has a point; you don't ever go out with any girls.  
  
Artemis~ Well, I don't go out with any boys either, do I?  
  
Holly~ I don't know. Do you?  
  
Artemis~ Wow! I didn't know that it was possible for you to be as stupid as you look, but I guess it is.  
  
Foaly~ So, do you?  
  
Artemis~ I wouldn't be talking pony boy. You could be gay, and no one would know it, because you've never dated anybody at all!  
  
Foaly~ Someone's a little defensive. And if I didn't know any better I'd say you were avoiding the question so, if you're not gay, give us a straightforward answer.  
  
Holly~ Yeah! Uhh... What he said.  
  
Juliet~ Artemis sooooooo is like, not gay. He's just antisocial, a social outcast, a loser. But you can be assured that he's not gay. I can't promise you that Holly and Foaly aren't gay, though... *bursts out laughing*  
  
Holly & Foaly~ Hey, We're not gay.  
  
Artemis~ Well, Holly's telling the truth, but I don't know about Foaly, I think he's gay...  
  
Domovoi Butler~ Well, how do you know Holly's telling the truth? You two didn't...  
  
Artemis and Holly~ Eww! No!  
  
Artemis~ I only know that Holly isn't gay because the term for a guy is gay, but if you're a gay woman your called a lesbian. Holly would be considered a lesbian...  
  
Holly~ He only knows the two terms because he's been called both of them, and he is definitely way gay. Hey! That rhymes!  
  
Artemis~ Am not.  
  
Holly~ Are too.  
  
Artemis~ Am not.  
  
Holly~ Are too.  
  
Artemis~ Am not.  
  
Holly~ All right then, here's a test. What label suit are you wearing?  
  
Artemis~ Armani. Why?  
  
Holly~ Ah-ha! Told you! You're gay, because gay guys know designer labels. And you knew that your suit was Armani!  
  
Artemis~ That doesn't mean that I'm gay, it just means that I am really rich, and the only thing I've ever worn are Armani designer label suits.  
  
Artemis Sr. (because I felt like adding him in there)~ Even I would have known that!  
  
Foaly~ Then maybe your gay too!  
  
Holly~ Maybe we're all gay, and we don't know it.  
  
Artemis~ Maybe you're weird, and we all do know it!  
  
Holly~ Don't have to get so personal. But then again, this is a touché subject for you, seeing as you're in denial, and all.  
  
Artemis~ I haen't heard much comment from Foaly. Maybe that's because he might let it slip that he's gay!  
  
Foaly~ I wouldn't be talking mud boy, for all we know, you might be gay and have a crush on Root!  
  
Artemis~ He wishes! Even if I was gay, I wouldn't like him!  
  
Holly~ So you are gay?  
  
Artemis~ This is gonna take a while...  
  
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Okay, well, tell me whatcha think! Lol, if yall likes, I'll update soon. 


	2. more laughs

Disclaimer~ I don't own anything besides the plot, and there is no plot, so I own nothing.  
  
Authoress note~ Okay, since I got so many reviews, and most of them told me to continue, I have decided to continue with this fic. Please review and let me know if I should continue or not, because I do not want to waste my time writing a fic if my readers don't like it!  
  
Flames accepted, I want honest opinions!  
  
Remember: This fic is in your hands, let me know what I should do!  
  
Also: If you like this, try reading my other two stories! LOL, okay, I'll shut up and let you peoples read now, bye!  
  
THANKS TO ALL MY REVIEWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Holly: Because it wanted to prove that it wasn't bologna!  
  
Artemis: No, Holly, the joke goes "Because it wanted to prove that it wasn't chicken." Geeze, you even found a way to mess that up!  
  
Foaly: Oh, my god! I didn't know that "The great Artemis Fowl the Second" knew jokes.  
  
Holly: Yeah, mud-dummy! And that's spelled M-U-D D-UM-Y!  
  
Artemis: Wow! I didn't know it was possible, but apparently it is!  
  
Root: What's possible?  
  
Artemis: She really is as stupid as she looks. And believe me, that's one huge accomplishment!  
  
Holly: Geeze, don't have to get so personal! And by the way, you are so gay!  
  
Artemis: I thought we ended this discussion 5 discussions ago! I'm not gay, and no one here is!  
  
Cudgeon: Actually, I'm here, and I'm gay! *bats eyelashes at Root*  
  
Foaly: Oh hush up! You're dead.  
  
Cudgeon: Well, that's too bad, cuz I'm here now!  
  
Holly: I like cheese.  
  
Juliet: Well, that was random, anyone else?  
  
Cudgeon: I want my mummy!  
  
Domovoi Butler: Well, that was a little too much information! I don't think any of us wanted, or needed to hear that, did we?  
  
Opal: Actually, I quite enjoyed it.  
  
Artemis: How did you get here? Aren't you in Howlers Peak?  
  
Opal: Apparently not, loser! Duh! And anyway, we were in the middle of something, anyone want to ask me to share a random fact?  
  
Holly: No.  
  
Opal: Well, deal with it, cuz you're gonna hear it anyway! Like I was saying, I love Arty!  
  
Artemis: Well, this is a little awkward. Umm... Conversation topic, anyone?  
  
Angeline Fowl: When Arty was in diapers...  
  
Artemis: Mother, anything but that! A reasonable topic, please? *eyes Holly opening her mouth* And no gayness topics!  
  
Holly: I wasn't going to say that, I was going to say, " How about cross- Dressing!"  
  
Artemis: Oh, gods no!!!!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Okay, yes, I know that it's short, but anyway, If you like it, please let me know, and if you don't please also let me know in reviews! Thanks, bi 4 now!  
  
Bi 4 now, ArtemisFowlWorld 


	3. evil laugh total chaos!

Disclaimer~ I don't own anything. Okay? Got it? Good.  
  
Authoress note~ Hey, sorry I haven't written in a while, I've had a ton of homework! Please tell me if I should continue or not, because I really don't want to continue a story that my readers don't like.  
  
Notice~ You have to review if you read this, whether you like it or not, because I need to know what you think.  
  
Also~ From now on, If I decide to continue this story, then I will only update on weekends... I hope this is okay with everyone, because I am piled down with homework during the week!  
  
To All readers~ This is a tad AU, because Angeline, and AF senior know about the fairies, and Angeline would never be this mean to AF senior.  
  
Thanks!  
  
To be or not to be gay? Chapter 3  
  
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Artemis: So, can we all agree on a topic that everyone will comply with?  
  
Holly: Have you ever heard of tanning in a bottle?  
  
Artemis: It's apparent that you have.  
  
Holly: Hey, it's called natural, dude.  
  
Artemis: Yeah, must be from all the sun you get in haven.  
  
Holly: *scowls*  
  
Juliet: Can we please be civil?  
  
Artemis and Holly: No way!  
  
Artemis: I've got the solution. If boys come over here, girls over there *points to far corner of the room*  
  
Holly: Fine, come on girls!  
  
*On boy's side of room*  
  
Butler: So... What was the point of separating us, other than not killing each other?  
  
Artemis and Foaly: Puh-leez! You underestimate us!  
  
Mulch and Butler: .............  
  
Artemis: Anyone care to know what the girls are talking about?  
  
Chix: Well, lemme think......... Duh!  
  
Foaly: Well, me and Artemis have micro technology surveillance devices.  
  
Butler: In English, please?  
  
Chix: Yeah, dude, wha?  
  
Artemis: We have listening devices and cameras disguised as different, random objects.  
  
Foaly: *throws a pin onto the floor about 2 yards away from the girls* This is a listening device, ultra-high frequency, nuclear battery.  
  
Artemis: Not bad. * Sticks a tack into the wall aimed at the girls* It's a camera, auto lens adjustment, and, again, nuclear battery.  
  
Mulch: Riiiiiiiiiiiigggghhhhhttttttttt.  
  
All boys: *watch Foaly's portable plasma screen*  
  
*On other side of the room*  
  
Holly: Juliet, what are you looking for in your dream guy?  
  
Juliet: Oh, he has got to be honest, and other than that, I don't care. How about you, Holly?  
  
Holly: Oh, the only thing that I care about is that he's sweet, and hardworking at whatever he does.  
  
Angeline: *Sees camera/ listening device, and decides to play a mean joke* You two are pathetic! There are only two things that you should look for in a guy.  
  
Holly & Juliet: What? *Listen intently*  
  
Angeline: He should be really hot, and be really rich. Otherwise, it doesn't make much difference!  
  
*On other side of the room*  
  
Artemis senior: Oh, I'm going to kill her, I swear I will!  
  
*Artemis senior walks over to the girl's side of the room*  
  
Artemis senior: Are those the only reasons why you married me?  
  
Angeline: Are what the only reasons why I married you?  
  
Artemis senior: For my looks, and my money?  
  
Angeline: No Timmy!  
  
Artemis senior: Oh, sorry to have accused you honey.  
  
Angeline: I figured that one out of two wasn't bad!  
  
All except AF senior: *laugh hysterically*  
  
Artemis junior: Brace yourself! Ahhhhhhhh!  
  
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Okay, tell me what you think, and please, please let me know if I should continue!  
  
Thanks, ArtemisFowlWorld  
  
P.S. If you have any new title suggestions, please tell me in a review! 


	4. Ha ha ha! Holly and Arty insulting each ...

Disclaimer~ None of this is mine, okay? Got it? Everyone understand? I don't want any suing me involved! -__-  
  
Authoress note~ Hiya! Lol, okay. This chappie will be short, but it will be good. Consider yourself warned, because it will be dangerously short, but funny, too.  
  
I need to know how many people actually read this stuff, so please, so I can get the count right, review. If you don't review, then I can't know the actual number.  
  
Also, my other story is an A/H fic, but I might change it to A/J, what do you all think? Please, I need your help, and it'll give you something to say in your review!  
  
Important~ I really need ideas for a new title, because this one is dumb, and I might need a new summary, too! If you could help me out that would be great! (and if you do, I'll put you in the story).  
  
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Holly: I'll bet you I can think of better insults than you can, Arty!  
  
Artemis: No fair, you got a head start by calling me Arty!  
  
Holly: Whatever you big baby!  
  
Artemis: I'm not a baby, am I mommy?  
  
Holly: Two-faced idiot!  
  
Artemis: Officer who plays with Barbie's!  
  
Holly: Ha! That's the best you could do? Man, you'd better think up better insults than that!  
  
Artemis: It was short notice! I need more time than that!  
  
Foaly: Okay, how about this. Root, Butler, Angeline, Opal, Juliet, Artemis sr. and I will be the judges. You have 5 minutes to come up with 3 insults. Ready. Set.  
  
Opal: Just go already!  
  
Artemis + Holly: *walk off to get ready*  
  
Foaly: Thanks for stealing the climax line!  
  
Opal: Don't mention it.  
  
Juliet: Hey! Let's sing a song to make waiting for them not so hard. Do your ears hang low do they wobble to and fro can you tie them in a bow can you roll em' over your shoulder like a continental soldier do your ears hang low! Do it with me now!  
  
All: Do your ears hang low........  
  
~~~ 5 minutes later~~~  
  
Artemis + Holly~ *walk back in ready to perform*  
  
Foaly: Okay, here are the rules:  
  
Choose who goes first First person shouts first insult Second person does the same back Do this 3 times, then the judges will make their decision  
  
Good enough?  
  
Holly: Fine. Who'll go first?  
  
Artemis: You go first.  
  
Holly: Fine, you pea-brained nincompoop!  
  
Artemis: As you wish, bug-eyed loser!  
  
Holly: Is that the best you can do, frog face?  
  
Artemis: By all means, no, miss kiss every guy in the LEP so they'll hire you!  
  
Holly: I can't believe you'd say that you self-absorbed, gay, derk!  
  
Foaly: Judges will now speak, hold on one moment, please.  
  
~~~Over at judges table~~~  
  
Foaly: I vote Holly.  
  
Angeline: I vote Arty.  
  
Juliet: I vote Arty. Artemis Sr.: I vote Holly.  
  
Root: I vote Holly.  
  
Butler: I vote Holly.  
  
Opal: I vote Arty.  
  
~~~ Back in the middle of the room~~~  
  
Foaly: The judges decided that Holly wins.  
  
Artemis: What was the count?  
  
Foaly: 3 to 4...  
  
~~~Artemis + Holly talking later~~~  
  
Artemis: I cannot believe you did that!  
  
Holly: Did what?  
  
Artemis: Kissed all the male judges for their votes.  
  
Holly: Where'd you get that information?  
  
Artemis: It's posted on the LEP website, go check.  
  
Holly: Ooh! I'm gonna kill Foaly! I can't believe he told everyone that!  
  
Artemis: Phych! Oh My Gosh! I can't believe you fell for it, and I got proof that you did! Woo-hoo!  
  
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Alright, just remember to review. Here are some ideas for your review:  
  
New title/ summary entry If you want to be in it tell me Which do you like better? A/H, or A/J? Tell me your honest opinion, because I want to know what you think of the story!  
  
Bye 4 now, slatron,  
  
Artemis FowlWorld 


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